You may not believe it.But these things do happen even now in India.I was witness to this conversation in a bank(God!not our bank) recently.There are special officers with designation CCO--customer (don't) care officer.They are MBA's, B.Tech's technosavvy and trained.
Always say pleasant things, talk with a smile... BLAH BLAH...
WOMAN :Sir! I have a problem.
CCO :Problem, problem hohoho. NO PROBLEM .Tell me Madam.
WOMAN :My husband died recently and all the heirs are out of place.
CCO :How nice. Delightful.Let us put every heir in place.
WOMAN :You please understand. He was suffering a lot for a long time. He left without assigning a nominee.
CCO :So your problem is nominal. Let me see .It is a good thing that he is dead. His suffering is over.
ME :(aside) Your suffering starts now.
WOMAN :What shall I do?
CCO :You go to the hospital and collect the death certificate. Register it with concerned authorities.
WOMAN :Who?
CCO : Coming coming. Municipal Corporation,Registrar of births and deaths.Always say pleasant things, talk with a smile... BLAH BLAH...
WOMAN :Sir! I have a problem.
CCO :Problem, problem hohoho. NO PROBLEM .Tell me Madam.
WOMAN :My husband died recently and all the heirs are out of place.
CCO :How nice. Delightful.Let us put every heir in place.
WOMAN :You please understand. He was suffering a lot for a long time. He left without assigning a nominee.
CCO :So your problem is nominal. Let me see .It is a good thing that he is dead. His suffering is over.
ME :(aside) Your suffering starts now.
WOMAN :What shall I do?
CCO :You go to the hospital and collect the death certificate. Register it with concerned authorities.
WOMAN :Who?
It takes some 15 days to get it.
Then go the MRO office and apply for a legal heir certificate submitting the dc.
If the estate is vast you have to apply for succession certificate from court.
Gas, electrical connections,safety lockers,deposits,bonds and all other
things must be included.
WOMAN :No, no, no let us talk about the account in your bank.
CCO : After you obtain the DC and legal heir certificate you come to me. I will give you a claim form.
You must get it signed by all the legal heirs authorizing you to receive the amount from the bank.As they are not here to sign in front of us, their signatures must be attested by proper authorities.
Now follow me very carefully!!
The signatures of these attesting proper authorities must come to us through proper channels, for us to verify their veracity and authencity.After we are satisfied with the signatures,you must get the claim form notarized.
Submit the notarized claim form along with DC, LHC and two guarantees from persons known to the bank. Atleast one of the guarantors must be owning a house in this city.
Then we will process your application.
As of now our customers are falling down left and right like ninepins.We are seriously, serially settling claims .So you will have to wait for your turn.
WOMAN :To fall down?
CCO : No, no, no.For settlement.
WOMAN : I am quite unsettled. Saving grace is its a savings account. The amount in it is paltry. I wanted to feed the poor with that money as a gesture.
You close the account and take that money because you are so poor and dumb.
CCO :No madam! Please don't be angry and leave.Let me serve you.
ME :It serves you right.
CCO : After you obtain the DC and legal heir certificate you come to me. I will give you a claim form.
You must get it signed by all the legal heirs authorizing you to receive the amount from the bank.As they are not here to sign in front of us, their signatures must be attested by proper authorities.
Now follow me very carefully!!
The signatures of these attesting proper authorities must come to us through proper channels, for us to verify their veracity and authencity.After we are satisfied with the signatures,you must get the claim form notarized.
Submit the notarized claim form along with DC, LHC and two guarantees from persons known to the bank. Atleast one of the guarantors must be owning a house in this city.
Then we will process your application.
As of now our customers are falling down left and right like ninepins.We are seriously, serially settling claims .So you will have to wait for your turn.
WOMAN :To fall down?
CCO : No, no, no.For settlement.
WOMAN : I am quite unsettled. Saving grace is its a savings account. The amount in it is paltry. I wanted to feed the poor with that money as a gesture.
You close the account and take that money because you are so poor and dumb.
CCO :No madam! Please don't be angry and leave.Let me serve you.
ME :It serves you right.
3 comments:
:-) Young professionals today have other concerns- dates and digital hobbies.
The problem is nominal! :P lol :-)
CCOs - The first generation of robots... they should read "101 tips on How not to mess things up"!
I can sympathise with the poor victims.
I mean the widow and the CCO.
The CCO is forced to demand all these things 'cos
1.it is the procedure laid out.
and
2. I know cases where fraud had been perpetuated.
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